


Spotlight

by twisting_vine_x



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (I genuinely appreciate that that's a tag), Anxiety Disorder, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Mild Angst, angst followed by fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9809801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twisting_vine_x/pseuds/twisting_vine_x
Summary: He can't help how embarrassed he sounds as he tries to hide himself in the pillow, and Viktor's laugh is so lovely - and so helpless, soblatantlyin love - that it has Yuuri squirming all over again, the wave of protectiveness stealing his breath away.Oh, Viktor."I suppose that's fair, darling. I am pretty incorrigible."He's smiling, as he says it, and his voice is light, but Yuuri knows better, now. He can hear that tiny, barely there, desperately hidden thread of self-doubt, as clearly as if Viktor were shouting it.Am I too much?Viktor doesn't need to say it for Yuuri to hear it. He's pretty sure Viktor's spent too long feeling like he's too much of something - too loud, too clingy, too needy - for him to just shrug it off.Yuuri knows a little bit about self-esteem. He knows a little bit about trying to kick years of fucked up thinking. And he's damn well going to keep making sure that Viktor knows he can always be astoo muchas he wants to be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of headcanons re: Viktor being in the spotlight since he was really young and apparently I needed to write about them.
> 
> (Also, CW for Yuuri thinking on his anxiety and self-esteem issues.)

"Yuuri."

It's barely audible, right at the edges of his awareness, a gentle whisper to go with the barely-there brush of Viktor's mouth against his skin. Yuuri's already smiling by the time he wakes up, his mouth turning up helplessly into the pillow at Viktor's lips brush down the side of his neck.

He'll never get used to waking up like this.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." Viktor's voice is soft, and Yuuri can feel him smiling against his ear, and he ends up squirming helplessly and sticking his face deeper into the pillow as a flush spreads across his cheeks and back behind his neck. "Did you sleep well, lyubov?"

The endearments fall as easy as breathing from Viktor's lips, affection written clear through every bit of his voice, and Yuuri swallows helplessly, his heart growing too big for his chest. How did he ever live without this until now?

"Even if I hadn't, I get to wake up like this, so that would make everything okay."

He can't help how embarrassed he sounds - and he certainly can't hide how desperately in love he sounds - but maybe that's okay. Viktor certainly never tries to hide it. Yuuri's pretty sure he'd whisper long flowing love sonnets into Yuuri's skin all day, if he could.

The thought makes him blush even further, but then he realizes that Viktor's gone absolutely still. His lips have frozen against Yuuri's neck, and there's nothing Yuuri can do about the rush of panic, his body shooting awake all at once.

Was that... too much? He... normally he doesn't say things like that, but he's been trying to - to be more - he wants Viktor to  _know,_ he never wants Viktor to doubt this, but maybe that was too -

"Yuuri." It's barely a breath - it sounds almost reverent - and Yuuri feels himself flush even worse as Viktor's arms wrap tight around him. "God, Yuuri, what did I ever do to deserve -"

"Viktor..."

"You can't  _say_ things like that, my dear, my heart can't -"

"You do it all the time."

He can't help how embarrassed he sounds, his voice sliding almost into a grumble as he tries to hide himself in the pillow, and Viktor's laugh is so lovely - and so helpless, so _blatantly_ in love - that it has Yuuri squirming all over again, the wave of protectiveness stealing his breath away.

_Oh, Viktor._

"I suppose that's fair, darling. I am pretty incorrigible."

He's smiling, as he says it, and his voice is light, but Yuuri knows better, now. He can hear that tiny, barely there, desperately hidden thread of self-doubt, as clearly as if Viktor were shouting it.

_Am I too much?_

Viktor doesn't need to say it for Yuuri to hear it. He's pretty sure Viktor's spent too long feeling like he's too much of  _something_  - too loud, too clingy, too needy - for him to just shrug it off.

Yuuri knows a little bit about self-esteem. He knows a little bit about trying to kick years of fucked up thinking. And he's damn well going to keep making sure that Viktor knows he can always be as  _too much_ as he wants to be. 

"Hmm, I suppose we'd better find some breakfast, my dear. What if I were to make -"

"I love it." Yuuri can't help how choked he sounds. "I love every second of it. The endearments, the... clinginess, the... please don't ever stop." His face has gone even hotter, and his hands are shaking as he slides them under the pillow and wraps them around the top of the mattress, sudden self-consciousness painting helpless tendrils of heat back behind his ears. "And I meant it. There's no other way in the world I'd rather wake up than this."

He's possibly going to catch fire, by the time he get it out. His skin is practically crawling under the sudden vulnerability.

Viktor won't use this against him. Yuuri _knows_ that he won't. He knows it as surely as he knows that the sun rises in the morning.

... But. Still.

And maybe that's what happens when you spend years hating yourself for your weaknesses. Maybe willingly making yourself vulnerable just keeps getting more and more terrifying.

Whatever the case, his own quiet little breakdown isn't enough to distract him from the sudden realization that there are tears falling on his skin.

Viktor's not making a sound. He's barely even breathing.

But Yuuri can feel the tears where Viktor's dropped his face down to press into Yuuri's bare shoulder, his skin growing damp as Viktor just curls up there against him and stays very quiet.

The rush of tears to his own eyes is impossible to fight, mixed with the sudden frantic need to pull Viktor close, and he tries to keep his voice as gentle as he can as he awkwardly tries to reach for Viktor's hand.

"Viktor..."

Viktor just shakes his head and presses his face harder against Yuuri's shoulder as he stays right where he is, still barely making a sound, save for a small shuddering exhale as the dampness on Yuuri's shoulder spreads.

Yuuri gives it a few helpless seconds before he swallows and tries to turn over, and this time Viktor lets him, but only to immediately dive in close and bury his face in Yuuri's neck, like this is only going to work if he gets to keep hiding there. It makes Yuuri's heart hurt, and he's careful as he wraps his arms around Viktor and just holds on back, sliding a hand down and pressing a kiss into Viktor's hair, which draws another helpless little shudder out of Viktor.

Before Yuuri can say anything, though, Viktor's voice is barely more than a whisper against Yuuri's neck, the words hardly audible even with how close they are together.  
  
"I'm sorry." He sounds even more rattled than Yuuri had been expecting. "I... I didn't mean to -"

"Hey, shh, no, don't." Yuuri barely gets the words out, with how tight his throat has gone. "Hush, Viktor. You've got nothing to apologize for, alright?"

For a moment, he thinks that Viktor is going to argue with him. That he's going to insist that there's something wrong with how he's acting, like he isn't allowed to fall apart, or something.

He probably never has been. At least where nobody else but Makkachin could see him.

The thought makes Yuuri hold Viktor a bit closer, and maybe that's what makes up his mind for him, because Viktor stays tense for a few more seconds before he finally nods and curls up a bit harder against him, silently letting Yuuri hold him. There are still tears dripping down onto Yuuri's skin as Viktor stays pressed against him, and Yuuri sucks in a steadying breath and keeps his touch as gentle as he can as he holds on to Viktor, letting the seconds slowly slip by.

He's never going to get used to this. Viktor Nikiforov, living legend, and it turns out he's just as human as anyone else, with enough doubts and insecurities to give Yuuri's own anxieties some serious competition.

And maybe that's what happens when you have to be perfect from about age seven onward. Yuuri can barely handle the spotlight now. He has no idea how Viktor's managed since he was a child.

Whatever the case, Yuuri just closes his eyes and holds on tight - he can feel every second as though it lasts forever - until Viktor's tears slowly trail away into silence, leaving him just silently pressed into the safety of Yuuri's neck. Even then, though, he doesn't seem keen to unpeel himself from Yuuri - it hits Yuuri, suddenly, that Viktor is pretty much just hiding there, like he thinks he can stay there forever - and Yuuri can't stop a helplessly fond smile.

"Viktor." He keeps his voice as soft as he can, but it's greeted with another headshake, and Yuuri's lips tug higher, his heart growing too big for his chest. "You can't hide there forever, you know." He's not doing a thing to hide the affection in his voice - because Viktor probably needs to hear it, right now - but it still gets another embarrassed little sound, and Viktor - if anything - squirms closer, and Yuuri carefully slides a hand down his bare back. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, lyubov. How many times have you done the same for me?"

He stumbles just a bit on the word, the unfamiliar Russian syllables sticking in his mouth, but it's probably worth trying. Viktor's always calling him that. Maybe Yuuri can turn around and use it for Viktor, too, even if he butchers the pronunciation. At the very least, Viktor will probably find it endearing.

Either way, it's true. Viktor's gotten less terrible at dealing with Yuuri when Yuuri's falling apart. Namely that now he pretty much just wraps up around him and holds him while he cries. Yuuri's woken him up more than once in the middle of the night, or broken down on him right in the middle of the street on some nice, sunny afternoon. Viktor has nothing to be embarrassed about.

And maybe that reminder does help Viktor, because he goes still for a moment, and then Yuuri hears him swallow, low and shaky against Yuuri's neck.

"Nobody ever wants me for me." It's so soft Yuuri can barely hear it, even with how close Viktor is. "Everyone always wants a version of me, or a certain part of me. Nobody's ever wanted -"

"Well, they're all stupid, then. And none of them deserved you, anyway."

There's nothing he can about the edge in his voice, so he doesn’t even bother to try. He knows all too well that Viktor brings out a protectiveness that Yuuri hadn't even known he'd had. And maybe Viktor hears it - maybe, hopefully, he even hears the truth in it - because he stays tense for a moment longer before Yuuri can feel his body begin to unlock, a sigh slipping out of him as he slumps against Yuuri and lets Yuuri hold him, all the tension finally seeping out of him.

It sends Yuuri's stomach fluttering, some mix of protectiveness and affection. He's not letting anyone hurt this man ever again.

"You're so good to me, zolotse. Thank you." He sounds exhausted but a bit steadier than he had a few minutes back, and Yuuri carefully runs a hand through his hair, feeling the soft locks snag ever so slightly against his fingers. Before he can say anything, though, Viktor's taking a deep breath, curling up closer against Yuuri as he tucks his face harder against his neck. "Can we... stay like this, for a bit plan? I... actually have excellent breakfast plans, but -"

"The kitchen's not going anywhere." He can't help how fond his voice is, his mind suddenly swimming with images of Viktor probably sitting down and planning exactly what he'd wanted to make Yuuri for their rare day off, and he's a bit shaky with the thought as he reaches down and tugs the blanket up higher over them both, making sure it covers Viktor all the way up to his neck. "We can stay here for as long as you'd like, alright?"

It's true. They have nothing they need to do, and Yuuri could stay like this with Viktor forever. He's pretty sure Viktor feels the same.

From the way he's smiling against Yuuri's shoulder, he definitely does. And Yuuri just closes his eyes and holds on tight to Viktor and smiles back.

He knows a little something about masks. He knows a bit, too, about spending years fighting the same self-destructive thought patterns, like some kind of fucked up dance he could never seem to get out of.

But the last eight months have helped with that. Viktor's helped with that, in a way that Yuuri never could have seen coming. He might still be the one fighting inside his own head, but having someone who just so unequivocally believes in him, and who so always sees the best in him, in a way that Yuuri has so rarely managed to see in himself - well. It helps. It's all helped more than he could ever put into words, probably.

And whatever doubts or insecurities that Viktor might have, Yuuri is damn well going to always do his best to be there for him, too.

"Hey, um, Yuuri?"

It's barely audible, breathed right against his neck. Yuuri's wraps his arms a bit tighter around Viktor and buries his face in his hair, letting out a little humming noise of acknowledgement, even as Viktor's hand slides down to find Yuuri's own. For a moment, Viktor just lets his fingers rest there, carefully sliding them against the back of Yuuri's hand; and then Yuuri twists his hand so that Viktor can lace their fingers together, and something inside Yuuri seems to settle, the last bit of tension washing away. He can feel Viktor smiling against his neck again, and Yuuri's just about to say something when Viktor finally continues, his fingers carefully tightening around Yuuri's.

"Just, um - thank you. For... well, everything, really."

There's a new flush of heat on his face - Yuuri can feel it, with how close Viktor is to his skin - but he's still smiling, too, like he's embarrassed but knows that it's okay to be, and Yuuri feels his own lips tug up, that helpless rise of affection washing through him again.

"Thank you, too, lyubov."

The word still feels awkward in his mouth, but that's not the point. The point is for him to at least try, because he knows that Viktor will appreciate it.

And from the way Viktor smiles a bit wider and lets out a happy sigh, letting himself rest a bit heavier against Yuuri as he curls up against him, everything is suddenly right in the world for him; and Yuuri closes his eyes, burying his own smile into Viktor's hair as he just pulls him closer and holds on tight.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone fancies being [tumblr](http://twisting-vine-x.tumblr.com/) buddies, and I'm always happy to make new Viktuuri friends.


End file.
